Flight of the Conchords questions

As the New Zealand band ‘The Flight of the Conchords' will be touring the UK this month, I’ve put together a list of questions to ask the two guys. Hopefully, these questions will pass through the spirit-ether and appear to them in dreams. They’ll then answer the questions with their subconscious minds and I’ll receive their replies while day-dreaming about how to levitate, or possibly in the form of lyrics to weird ear-worm songs of unknown origin that I start humming to myself. For those who don't know these guys, check out this video:


Your country, New Zealand, is an island on top of a major tectonic fault. It’ll therefore, eventually, collapse and be destroyed in massive volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, tidal waves and superheated clouds of burning ash. Knowing this inevitable future, do you think it's worth maintaining a garden?

Jemaine and Bret: New Zealanders live on an island originally inhabited by flightless birds. Has this affected New Zealanders' psychology? Are they against flying and shun their commercial airline? Do they get confused at the sight of mammals? After they buy eggs at the supermarket, do they leave them in the street while they have a coffee, expecting no one else to steal or damage them?

Bret: The Roger McGough poem states, “to amuse emus on warm summer nights, Kiwis do wee wees from spectacular heights.” Is this an accurate representation of your national bird?

Jemaine: Did you learn bass as a young man in order to have a deeper voice?

Bret: Is Australia your country's Alter-Ego, like the arch-enemy of Michael Knight in the episode of ‘Knight Rider’ in which David Hasselhoff expertly played the role of his character’s charismatic but more aggressive doppelgänger by wearing a fake moustache?

Jemaine: Do full lips add depth and sensitivity to a man, or do they give the false impression that he has a food allergy?

Bret: Singing haunting songs of loss and rejection can bring an artist much success and fame. This would seem to be a good subject for a song. As a singer-songwriter, have you written a song in which you explain how happy you are that you're very unhappy?

Bret: A guitar has six strings but a bass has only four. As you have to play one-and-a-half times as many strings as Jemaine in your songs, do you think you should be paid 50% more than him?

Jemaine: Scientific research has shown that low notes in the 50 hertz range can cause serious injury and death. Being a bass player, have you ever been tempted to use this dark power?

Bret and Jemaine: Some songs include very uplifting lines, such as ‘I want the world to sing in perfect harmony’. Do you also aspire to such lofty goals and then become deeply angry and embittered when the whole world dismally fails to sing in perfect harmony, or do you accept with pragmatic wisdom that the world will probably sing mostly out of tune?